Here is my proof... All week I had been bugging Paul about going out to celebrate my new journey... graduate school. He of course gladly agreed. Last night was the night. I thought how romantic to go out to dinner after my school orientation. To make a long story short, I was an hour and a half late to my own dinner. The details of how this happened are irrelevant. What is important, I flaked on my honey. Something I never do. I hate flaky people.
The worst part is my lovely new man was not angry, but rather "disappointed," which as you all know is much worse. The shift in his normally loving and affectionate demeanor was brutal. It killed me to see his hurt and to feel him pulling away from me. I spent a long and uncomfortable dinner beating myself up for what I had done. Why was I so thoughtless? This is not normal behavior for me.
I have realized there are two causes. One, too much beer. (I can obviously not use this as a valid excuse since I choose to drink the beer). Number two, which may have caused number one, I'm scared shitless of being hurt/left/disappointed.
Paul represents something I have never experienced before... a man who is totally into me and has no shame in showing it. He treats me like a queen, like his queen. He adores me and I cannot help but adoring him. He is a good person. Loving, gentle, kind and generous. I didn't know that men of his caliber truly existed. I have seen these elusive studs in movies, heard friends describe them, but never actually met one (at least not one that was single). Searching for a man like this is as ridiculous as trying to capture Bigfoot. The longer you search the nuttier you become.
How can I believe he really is as great as he seems?
As I see it, I have but one logical option. I must finally let go and fall in love with this man. (I have been violently resisting this up until this point). Men like him do not grow on trees. A man like Paul is a rare gift. Something my mother would likely say about me. (Thanks Mom).
Maybe, just maybe there is a happily ever after waiting for me. One thing I am certain of, I will never make Paul wait for me again.
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