Thursday, June 18, 2009

Introducing the Girl Code

"The Girl Code" is the much needed response to the petty, catty and downright malicious behavior I have seen from women towards other women. It is a set of rules that good girlfriends should live by.

The idea first came to me a couple years ago when I was introduced to "The Man Code." My then boyfriend had just returned from Vegas where he had a attended a bachelor party. As soon as he got home, I wanted all the dirt. Who cheated? Who made a fool of themselves? Who got head from the stripper? Where were the crazy pictures? I asked all the usual post-Vegas questions. My typically loose-lipped boyfriend was silent. I have nothing to report, he told me. I pressed harder... Oh come on! Someone must have done something scandalous. He looked at me sternly. "Nope, nothing interesting happened," he stated. A boldface lie and I knew it. "What?!" I stammered, "You aren't going to tell me anything?!"

It was then he first revealed The Man Code. Truthfully, it was likely that MANY inappropriate things had happened in Vegas, yet sadly, I would hear none of it. It was his duty as a man and a friend of men to keep his mouth shut. He wisely reminded me that I was terrible at keeping secrets and would likely spill the beans. As a man who believed strongly in The Man Code, he would not throw his buddies "under the bus."

WOW. I was stunned. How come I had never heard of this Man Code before? Did all men know the code? Was there some secret society? Any strange backwoods initiation needed to learn this code? Is it written somewhere, perhaps in invisible ink? What are the other rules? And more importantly, why is there no Girl Code to speak of?


The simple truth is that men just have an understanding with each other. I won't nark on you if you don't nark on me. I won't sleep with your girlfriend if you don't sleep with my wife. If you do something outrageously funny and embarrassing, I will laugh my ass off and you are not allowed to get mad. You know, the basic dude rules.

So men have their code, but us women are much more civilized creatures. Why do we need a code? Let me give you a personal example...

Recently, I attended a party for a girlfriend of mine. After a few drinks, I began to tell penis jokes and laugh loudly at them. Typical. Across the bar from me I noticed a girl that is a good friend of my ex-lover. While giving me a disgusted look, she leaned over to another girl and started whispering. They both looked me up and down and called over of one my friends. My "friend" then began to gossip with the coven of ugly evil-doers. Since I was only 4 feet away, I clearly heard my girlfriend say "Oh yeah, definitely, she did, at least once." I did WHAT at least once?!! Screwed him in a car... made him dinner... cheated on him... put a voodoo hex on his testicles?!! What did I do that warranted this type of treatment?! How is this any of their fucking business? And how dare you talk about me right in front of my face. You indiscreet bitches. When I talk shit, I have the manners to go into the other room first!

Unfortunately, this is just one of many example of women hating on other women.

So it begs the question... Why, why, WHY do we treat each other like this ladies?? Jealously, insecurity, competitiveness, maybe PMS? There is simply no excuse for this type of behavior. Isn't it hard enough to be a woman without having to worry about other women wishing you ill-will? What happened to Best Friends Forever, braiding each other's hair, standing by each other through thick and thin? Where is the damn sisterhood these days!?

I assert that just this one time, the guys have gotten it right. Good friends should have a set of rules they follow to take care of each other. We should all know what type of treatment to expect from our friends.

Therefore, I proudly introduce to you The Girl Code (raise your Stellas and repeat after me):

I (state your name) do solemnly swear to practice the following rules daily because I want to be an ally to my girlfriends.

I vow to never make out with and/or sleep with your current and/or former boyfriend, husband or gigantic crush. (Especially not all of these people at the same time).

I vow to tell you when you look amazing, every single time you look amazing.... Even when I look like crap.

I vow to never speak badly of you to our friends, but reserve the right to talk shit about you to people you don't know. But only when truly necessary.


I vow to tell you the truth if your outfit looks terrible on you (in the nicest way I can think of at the time).

I vow to never leave you at the bar with some creepy dude because I am taking a hot tourist home with me.

I vow to only post flattering photos of you on Facebook and MySpace.

I vow to acknowledge when I have been a total bitch and ask for your forgiveness.

I vow to always share my wine, chocolate and pizza, but keep your fucking hands off my guacamole.

I vow to always remind you of how beautiful, smart, kind, and wonderful you are, especially in those moments you need to hear it the most.

To all of my girls, this is my pledge to you. I only ask that you do the same for me. Cheers to sisterhood!

Kisses.











3 comments:

  1. I Kelly Walter-Hall Vow to love you forever! The Girl Code ROCKS!

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